“Handy unbreakable tube”

Handwritten page of a diary dated March 25, 1965

… would go crazy if I had this insulated bag to take to the beach this summer AND IT MATCHES THE COLORS OF MY BATHING SUIT!!!! I think it’s destiny for me to own this.

But my mom never buys Prell because it’s not the cheapest kind (and on top of that, she says she wants to meet the man who invented green shampoo that will turn all our hair green). And she won’t even let me cut the proof of purchase off the Crest toothpaste tube because there’s still a little left in there. I explained how I would fix the tube with masking tape but she still said no.

Fine. I know Aunt Babbette uses Prell. And if I give her this 5 cent coupon, she might buy more.

I’ll get this picnic bag if it’s the last thing I do all year.

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Original image:
www.flickr.com/photos/29069717@N02/21416254694
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Published in: on September 12, 2017 at 1:33 am  Leave a Comment  

Fab cat-eye glasses

Handwritten page of a diary dated August 4, 1958

… thought Babs would take me for a goof if she found out that I (the guy she just last week agreed to go steady with) was going on a vacation with my grandma this summer. But she said my grandma was pretty “neat”!!!! I thought through why Babs might be saying that and came up blank.

Meanwhile back at the ranch I decided to just come out and ask Babs and well, turns out she MET my grandma when she stopped over at the pad once when I wasn’t there. And Babs said my  grandma’s new green glasses  were fab (which I have to admit I myself hadn’t even noticed the glasses) (but of course I pretended like I knew exactly what glasses Babs was referring to).

Lets hope Babs never finds out that Grandma is a genuine kook after all. I mean yesterday Grandma started hearing funny noises on the phone line. I asked her why she didn’t ring up the phone company and she said “I will, but first I decided to take out the diddlwitchie.” I told her to show me but when she handed me a round metal thing, I didn’t know where to put it back in the phone. When she finally did ring up the phone company she talked a lot. But then I almost laughed because after she finally took a long pause and let the other person speak, she put her mouth right up close to the receiver “OK, I’ll play your little game.”

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Original image:
By Nabokov at English Wikipedia, CC BY 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=9833818
Published in: on July 22, 2017 at 3:17 am  Comments (1)  

‘I’ve got a crush on you’

Handwritten page of a diary dated April 16, 1970

… school is almost over for the year and I’m telling Aunt Margie that I’m so bummed I won’t see Bruce ALL SUMMER, which about slays me. (She’s the only one I’ve told about him, and how I can barely think when he’s around, and this is the first time I ever felt like that). So she says I told you to get a picture of him, did you do that yet? And I have to admit that I chickened out, EVEN THOUGH I would love to have his picture and even though she loaned me her camera.

But I said he’s going to wonder why I’m taking a picture of him, so she starts telling me about this guy she liked when she was my age AND she even showed me a picture of him from 1938 (the OLDEN days). He was a “soda jerk” (which I saw one of those on the “Leave it to Beaver” show once, but I’ve never seen one in the real world). Aunt Margie said she told her mother that she was going to marry this guy some day and her mother said, Margie you can find someone who makes a LOT more money than that, which Margie thought was stupid because he was so good at what he did, he must make plenty of money. (Ha ha. I guess girls were stupider back then.) So Margie told the soda jerk she wanted to take a picture of his famous trick of having the ice cream fly out of the scoop and land in the glass, and he believed it. He never knew she had a crush on him and slept with that picture under her pillow for a while.

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Original image:
https://commons.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?curid=17597528
Published in: on June 5, 2017 at 3:33 am  Leave a Comment  

So NOT the mermaid I had in mind

Handwritten page of a diary dated May 29, 2017

… went to Frankenmuth with them in the first place because I wanted to see the “balloon glow,” which is supposed to be legend…ary — all those hot air balloons lit up after the sun goes down. But FAIL. It got rained out. So at breakfast, Grandma says she has a big surprise to make up for it. Except it turns out all she had planned was a trip to the giant Christmas store. I’m not even a big fan of Christmas when it’s December, but on Memorial Day weekend? DONE.

But I went along, like a good sport (partly because Dad took my cell phone away since I was texting too much, and I thought if I pretended to “be in the present” (his words) maybe he’d break down and give it back to me sooner.) Then Grandma says she’ll buy each of us our own ornament (whatevs). I looked all over that place and didn’t find anything epic. Then McKayla yells down from upstairs, says “Come up here, there’s a mermaid.” I said, “It’s not ‘The Little Mermaid’ is it?” (The Little Mermaid is … NO.). She says it’s not. So I drag myself all the way up there, and let’s just say, well, let’s just say I didn’t end up buying it.

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Original image:
https://www.flickr.com/photos/lacylouwho/4529928136

Probably shouldn’t

Handwritten page of a diary dated August 19, 1979

… it will ROCK to escape the factory and get back to school, but I needed every penny of every paycheck I made this summer. For one thing, a bunch of us are going to the No Nukes Concert at Madison Square Garden next month, and I didn’t want Skinny Bob to feel left out, so I’m buying his ticket (with his and mine that is a total of $31 PLUS our train fares, ouch).

There’s only one thing I’m pretty sure I need to do before I escape there — every day on my way back from the lunchroom I pass by this old-fashioned switch on the wall in the room that smells like chemicals. And every day I have to talk myself out of flipping it. I do not know why this thing CALLS OUT TO ME. It might not even be hooked up to anything any more, but if it is, and something bad happens, then I might get in trouble, and since this is the only real job I’ve ever had, I might need to use my boss as a reference. What if there’s some future job I really want someday, and my boss tells them “Yes, she showed up every day and worked hard … but then she FLIPPED THE SWITCH and enough extra chemicals were released to force us to evacuate the building for the rest of the night.”

No. A switch that could evacuate the factory would look more modern. Right? And it would be under glass with a lock and key. Right?

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Original image:
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Switch_(old_type).JPG
Published in: on March 8, 2017 at 3:27 am  Leave a Comment  

Too close for comfort

kennedy_nixon_debate_first_chicago_1960

Handwritten page of a diary dated November 9, 1960

… even though I can’t vote till I’m 21. But I think 20 is old enough to care about who wins, and I did not even sleep last night. They hadn’t called a winner yet by the time the TV stations went off the air. So I just took a pile of records downstairs to the hifi to try to distract myself. Unfortunately, my mom got out of bed and said why did I only like one kind of music, by which she means Sam Cook and Ray Charles and Fats Domino. I see where she’s going with this.

But I guess we might as well argue about music (she likes Connie Francis and Pat Boone) (squaresville) than what was REALLY on my mind, because I’m almost positive that she voted for NIXON and if he ever became president I would rather just beat feet all the way to Siberia.

In my poly sci class today, we finally found out Kennedy won. Whew! Then the professor started talking about how if we think this election was close, then how would we like to have been around in the 1800s, because Rutherford B. Hayes and Benjamin Harrison both won the electoral college but not the popular vote!!! I’m glad that will never happen again, because I would GO APE.

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Original image:
https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Kennedy_Nixon_debate_first_Chicago_1960.jpg
Published in: on February 13, 2017 at 3:31 am  Leave a Comment  

Veering toward Myrtle Beach

8625091375_8351218362_z

Handwritten page of a diary dated May 25, 1979

… back on the road again, concentrating, sure but driving a long way is tedious. The best thing that happened all day was when Steppenwolf came on the radio, “Get your motor runnin’, head out on the highway.”  That song is at least 10 years old now, and it still WORKS every time. Unfortunately the next song that came on was some kind of horrifying Bee Gees. It was either that or some country station singing “Linda on my Mind.” So the radio went off. Brutal!!

Got windier kinda gradually and next thing I knew I was having to grip the steering wheel because it felt like it wanted to veer left. So I started daydreaming that if the entire U.S. was made of concrete I would just let go and instead of ending up in Norman Oklahoma (where I wasn’t all that keen on spending the winter anyway) I would end up in Myrtle Beach. I saw this magazine picture a long time ago of Myrtle Beach amusement parks. Then there was this girl who looked just like me at a hotel that was RIGHT BY THE OCEAN!!!! You don’t see that in Norman Oklahoma.

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Original image: https://www.flickr.com/photos/blakta2/8625091375

 

Published in: on January 30, 2017 at 3:49 am  Leave a Comment  

‘Whatever you want’

white-prom-dress

Handwritten page of a diary dated April 14, 1989

… had THIS conversation with Mom:

Mom: “But Rita’s son is such a sweet sweet boy.”

Me: “No.”

“You don’t have a date yet.”

“Prom isn’t for another month. There’s plenty of time.”

“This would mean so much to Rita if you went with Carl, and I owe her a huge favor.”

“No.”

“You could go with him this year and then next year, when you’re a senior, you could choose who to go with.”

“What will you give me?”

“Whatever you want.”

“That’s funny because ‘Whatever you want’ is my favorite thing.”

“I’ll buy you that white dress you tried on.”

“I thought you said I couldn’t get it because it looked too much like a wedding dress.”

“Well, it does, but …”

“And you said I had to get one with straps.”

“Well, it is kind of skimpy on top and tight all over, but I’ll get it if you promise to smile when you’re with Carl.”

Original image:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/77319512@N07/7617024900/
Published in: on November 6, 2016 at 12:28 pm  Leave a Comment  

Dinner with the kids

tattoed-couple

Handwritten page of a diary dated July 29, 2009

… Paulie wanted us to pray before the meal, but in the end I think he was the only one with his head down. I guess it was kind of sweet of him to stand up with my gigantic daughter, who can barely even fit behind the table any more. Bobby was ignoring the praying and eating already and I used that chance to get a look at Paulie’s 10 millionth tattoo, not that Jeannie isn’t trying to catch up by getting a few tattoos of her own) (oh, and I barely recognized her when she answered the door because her hair is now jet black). Well, what can I do? As long as they keep inviting me to eat with them, I’ll go. Even though the kitchen is getting more purple every time I go.

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Original image:
https://www.flickr.com/photos/robdeman/476655955
Published in: on September 28, 2016 at 3:29 am  Comments (1)  

The brown meal

chocolate cake with cherries

Handwritten page of a diary dated September 30, 1989

… found out dad was going to be gone for 24 entire hours. And since he’s the biggest nutrition police, I talked Mom into letting me plan the supper for that night.

The theme I told her was ALL BROWN AND ONLY BROWN. I wanted steak, Pepsi and chocolate cake. She said she had one objection and I was afraid she was going to say “There are no brown vegetables” but instead she just pointed out that steak is kind of expensive so I agreed to shake a lot of quarters out of my piggy bank.

I helped her make the cake earlier in the afternoon but when I came to supper, there was something weird on top of the frosting. I said what is that? and she said cherries and I said “That’s not BROWN” and I was so mad I flicked one of the cherries off the cake and it landed on the wallpaper. Woops. But she didn’t go ape on me like Dad would’ve. She just made me clean the wall and “carefully” put the rest of the cherries in a little bowl “for later.” And she made me go up and search through her Van Morrison records because she wanted to hear “Brown Eyed Girl.”

I think she enjoyed that meal about as much as I did, so I said “if you want a more nutritious lunch tomorrow, we could have ALL ORANGE AND ONLY ORANGE.” She said “I’m afraid to ask what that menu would be.” So I told her: Cheetos and carrot sticks and orange juice, and the song would be “Orange Crush” by REM.

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Original image:
https://flic.kr/p/bAi1gR
Published in: on September 2, 2016 at 5:06 pm  Comments (1)