You got a fast car

Handwritten page of a diary dated December 14, 1992

shoulda been ecstatic. I’d been wanting a boyfriend and I got Steven. I’d been wanting to go to California and I was there. I was walking on a beach at night in December and not even wearing a coat!

But there was a bonfire and there were guys there with their guitars singing ‘You got a fast car, is it fast enough so we can fly away’ and after all that time waiting to get a boyfriend and then finally having a pretty good one, still there was nothing I wanted to do more than ditch him for a while and go sit by that fire. I wish I coulda told Steven that I’d meet him back at the motel later. I wanted to talk small talk with strangers, even for an hour or two.

I wonder if other people feel like this sometimes.

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Published in: on April 16, 2010 at 4:30 am  Leave a Comment  

Aerosport from the 1930s

Aerosport from the 1930s

Handwritten page of a diary dated July 8, 2002

and i don’t even like cars from the 1950s, but my dad sure does, so he drug me to another show.

there was a 1952 red roadster that everyone was taking pictures of and drooling over, but i was mostly hanging out by the black and white car next to it — much cooler imho.

an old man walked up to me and i thought he was some kind of depraved teen-stalker, but i didn’t run since there was a crowd around the red car. what could he do?

he said if i liked this car, then i must be more of a 30s and 40s cars kind of girl. I said, yeah, maybe. he said that red one had too many square angles for his taste, and he liked the black and white one better too. so I listened to him. he took out some paper and wrote down these two cars he thought i’d love. later i looked at his old-geezer-writing on the piece of paper — Aerosport Letourneur (1938) and C27 Aerosport (1934). i googled them and i must admit, old guy was right. he picked some hot hot cars. maybe he was my boyfriend in a previous life and I drove him around in my aerosport.


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Published in: on April 15, 2010 at 4:30 am  Leave a Comment  



Handwritten page of a diary dated February 26, 2008

not a good idea for boys my age to have a camera on them at all times.

I perv-cammed about four girls since I got my phone for xmas. I feel guilty and decide I won’t do it any more, then I do anyway.

Would I like it if there was a way for a girl to perv-cam me? Well, yeah, that’s not a good comparison because I’d show any girl whatever she wanted — see, I’m a degenerate. Maybe I have a degenerative disease (no, I think that means something different)

I also like girls who don’t look this good. That girl l I met at summer school, I wouldn’t perv-cam her, but I miss talking to her, and I wish I’d gotten her phone number. When she hugged me the last day, I hugged her back and she smelled good. She said she was getting a job at the new car wash place that just opened, so maybe my mom’s car will have to “accidentally” get dirty pretty soon


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Published in: on April 14, 2010 at 4:30 am  Comments (1)  

Avocado dressing on shrimp

Avocado dressing on shrimp

Handwritten page of a diary dated April 3, 2000

and I thought my sister was supposed to be the big Martha Stewart in this family, so I had to laugh when she called me in a panic. She had a pot of cooked shrimp that she was going to put into a fancy salad to serve to this snooty club she wants to join — but her toilet exploded three hours before the guests arrived.

Excellent, she’ll owe me big after this!!!!

She said she had nice lettuce, so I ran to the store and got buttermilk, cream cheese, garlic and a big bag of avocados. I got to her house and she was with a plumber and she was mopping up something I couldn’t look at for too long.

I went to her kitchen and made the best avocado dressing in the history of salad-dom.

She took a shower and came to the kitchen, well of course she had to rearrange a few shrimps and hard-boiled egg chunks I’d put on top of the lettuce, just to show me she was in control. Then she tasted my avocado dressing and she actually … surprisingly … shockingly! admitted it was pretty great.

The doorbell rang, and she looked at me with that look, and I knew she wanted me to vamoose. Whatever. I went out the side door … AFTER I told her I’d be thinking about what I want for payback.


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Published in: on April 13, 2010 at 4:30 am  Leave a Comment  

Mystery girl at the Roman Baths

Mystery girl at the Roman Baths

Handwritten page of a diary dated July 18, 2003

Ian talked me into going to the Roman baths.

We first get there and we look down and there’s this mysterious girl who looks like she belongs in the past, and I mean as far back as when the place was first built. I took a quick picture of her and I then wanted to go down there and see if we could get a conversation started.

Of course with my bad luck, by the time we went to where she had been, she wasn’t there. I dragged Ian around for a long time looking for her, but she had absolutely vanished.

Back home I couldn’t wait to download the picture. First thing Ian said was “mate, she has a deformed left hand.” I inspected it, then showed him that DEFORMED part he pointed at wasn’t her hand — it was a crack in the plaster under her real hand, which was perfect btw.

Then he said it looked like she was talking on her mobile phone, but I don’t think so. I looked at it (a lot) and I think she was just curling her fingers up and resting her face on her hand. I tried to zoom in, but it’s still hard to tell. But I’m pretty sure I could find her if I went back there in a time machine.


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Published in: on April 12, 2010 at 4:30 am  Leave a Comment  

Rain boy

Boy in rain, holding umbrella

Handwritten page of a diary dated October 1, 2000

sure, OTHER kids want to watch Spongebob. Mine wants to watch the Weather Channel. Whenever Jim Cantore is reporting, Mikey stares at him. And if Jim is holding an umbrella Mikey can’t be torn away from the TV.

Unfortunately for Mikey we live in this sunny state. BUT today it rained a little and Mikey was in hog heaven. He stood out there with his little umbrella for an hour just walking barefoot very slowly around the driveway. And he would still be out there if I hadn’t made him come in when it got dark. He was so not happy with me. I told him someday we might go on a vacation to Seattle, where it rains a LOT. That was a mistake because I found him in his room trying to stuff his wet umbrella into his suitcase.


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Published in: on April 9, 2010 at 4:30 am  Leave a Comment  

Paris didn’t start this fad

Paris didn't start this fad

Handwritten page of a diary dated June 30, 2004

Janie’s been watching too much TV. Wonder where she gets that from. HA HA.

I have to admit I watch the Paris and Nicole show with her sometimes and I was watching the night Paris admitted she had never heard of Wal-Mart. Too funny. Hey Paris I’ll give you a guided tour of Wal-Mart because unfortunately I know it all too well.

So now Janie wants a dog small enough so she can carry it around in her purse like Paris does. Mom was over here and heard Janie say about the little dog she wants and Mom said, Paris Hilton did not invent carrying a spoiled little dog around all the time. She said, Janie your grandma has a photo of her friend who was an actress in the 1920s and she carried her little dog around wherever she went.

Today Mom came back over and brought the picture, and told Janie she’d get her a little dog if she’d wear a swami hat like the one in the picture. HA HA.


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Published in: on April 8, 2010 at 4:30 am  Leave a Comment  

Ghost wants its stuff back

Ghostly hand on drawer

Handwritten page of a diary dated August 30, 1970

but they never want to talk about why the drawr opens and closes when no one isn’t even near.

Kurt says it has to be some kind of rodent but if you stick in a flashlight right after that drawr opens you don’t see nothing. Even below it. And you would hear mice if it was them.

We bought this in a secondhand shop after all so maybe the previous owner had something super super important in there and wants it back even though there dead now. That’s so heavy man. But what else could it be?

I asked them didn’t they have something that they’d want to come back from their death and get? Aunt Bobbi said she’d come back for her BBbats suckers because it’s hard to find the pink ones and she would want her stash there in Heaven without having to eat the browns and the yellows. Aunt Minnie said she’d want her diamond ring back she got from her first husband because she hopes he’s planning on greeting her with an embrase at the perly gates. Mom said she’d want to get her choclat pillow pie recipe because she doesn’t want to tell us it too soon before she dies but she will want us to be able to feed it to our kids somday. Kurt said he has a secret invention drawed out on graph paper but he can’t show anyone yet because he doesn’t have a patton but he says it will change the world and he doesn’t want to denie the world just because he croaked too soon.


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Published in: on April 7, 2010 at 4:30 am  Leave a Comment  

Just say no to marriage

Bride & groom

Handwritten page of a diary dated June 2, 2008

Today woulda been my 25th wedding anniversary, if I hadn’t gotta divorce 24 years and two months ago.

I shoulda broken up with him when he said all six of his dogs had to live in the house — and three of them had to sleep on our bed.

And I really shoulda broken up with him when he said a diamond ring was a waste of money since he couldn’t find a job he liked, and that our friends and family wouldn’t know any difference if I wore a $7 rhinestone ring.

But seriously, when I walked up the aisle and saw him standing there in a purple shirt with no tie, I shoulda just turned around and walked my $2000 wedding gown right outta that church.

So I raise a toast to my last good 24 years and my big house and my young boyfriend who lives an hour away where he can’t cause me too much trouble.


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Published in: on April 6, 2010 at 4:30 am  Leave a Comment  

Evil mosquito wanted to bore into my flesh

Mosquito biting human skin

Handwritten page of a diary dated May 22, 1992

and when I heard that little whining noise in the air, I knew a mosquito had gotten in the apartment. I hate that sound because I once saw a closeup picture of a mosquito drilling into a human and it gave me the creeps, so bad it made me understand the phrase about when your skin crawls. Thinking about it made me not be able to get to sleep, which turned out not so bad because I got a lot done.

First I watched Bette Midler sing to Johnny Carson to say goodbye to his show. Corny but I surprised myself and almost got a tear in my eye. Then I washed the dishes, and I mean all of them, not like I usually do when I pick out ones I might want tomorrow and just wash those. It looked so good in the kitchen that I also gave the floor a scrubbing.

I tried going back to bed, but I just got comfy and I heard that horrible whining sound again, so I guess the mosquito just waited for me to come back. So I got up again and went to the garage and cleaned out my car, and I’m sorry to say all the crap I had thrown in the back seat was enough to fill a small hefty bag. The car then looked so inviting that I felt like driving so I went to the 7-11 and got some milk so I could eat Rice Krispies in the morning.

The third time I got in bed, I didn’t hear anything, but I couldn’t relax, thinking the mosquito was just waiting to move in. So I took my pillow and grabbed my sleeping bag out of the closet and unrolled it on the bathroom floor. When I closed the bathroom door I FINALLY felt alone for the first time all night and FINALLY had no trouble getting to sleep.


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Published in: on April 5, 2010 at 4:30 am  Leave a Comment