Get these hiccups out of me

Handwritten page of a diary dated February 25, 2002

gets the hiccups and she FREAKS OUT. Whispers to me that she can’t stand that feeling. We’re at this work meeting and our fourth-floor supervisor is droning on and on until she hears one of the loud hiccups and stops. June is the boss from hell and everyone thinks since she’s been interrupted that her head will pop off her neck, but she didn’t say much so people just start giving suggestions for how to stop the hiccups and we try some of them. Nothing works.

Then June’s assistant starts reading from his laptop. “Charles Osborne of Iowa  hiccuped from 1922 until Feb. 1990 — 68 years for a total of 430 million spasms. They don’t know why they stopped. He died one year later. Early on he had hiccups about 40 times a minute. In later years it was only about 20 per minute. Charles Osborne had 8 children.”

Sales manager asks if he was related to Ozzie Osbourne and assistant says let me check … no Ozzie has a u in Osbourne. Charles doesn’t.

Several minutes pass with people trying different cures. Assistant reads more from his laptop. We vetoed: “Make yourself vomit”  “Add one teaspoon of lemon balm, fennel or passionflower to one cup boiling water” and “Put your pants on backwards” and “Put a glass of water on the floor; get on your knees and …”

Finally the one that worked was: “Get a glass of water and two straws, put one straw inside the glass as usual and the other straw pressed up against the side of the glass on the outside. Put both straws in your mouth at once, drink the water like you would normally, taking as big of gulps as possible.”


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Published in: on May 21, 2010 at 4:30 am  Leave a Comment