I turn his frown upside down

Handwritten page of a diary dated July 6, 1983

and I’d like to know who it was who decided Melissa was capable of having a baby?

At least he is always dressed in clean clothes. And he looks like he is eating plenty of food. But she sure drops him off here a lot.

Poor little dude. He is pretty cute when he’s awake, but when he falls asleep he gets a frown on his face. He looks like an old man in a bad mood. Sometimes I lay beside him and try to move his lips up into a smile so his face won’t get stuck. It doesn’t even wake him up. But usually my arm gets tired. Or someone calls me on the phone. Or Mom comes in and says quit doing that.


Original image: http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Sleeping_baby_boy.jpg
Published in: on July 16, 2010 at 4:30 am  Leave a Comment  

He’s on fire

Handwritten page of a diary dated July 18, 2008

So weird to see the photo now because the rest of us are goin along our merry ways — thinkin only about marshmallows — while Sammy’s lap is on fire.

Even Nicky didn’t notice it until after he took the picture. He started screamin bloody murder. Sammy didn’t even know why Nicky was screamin for a while. I think Sammy musta been good and drunk, seein’s how he didn’t even feel the burn till it was pointed out to him that he was on fire.

He was blistered up all right, all under the black part of his blue jeans but I took someone else’s word for it, not wantin to get that good a look for myself. We didn’t have a first aid kit or any kind of sunburn cream, which I wouldn’ta wanted to rub on him anyway. Nicky said he read somewhere that raspberry jelly soothes a sunburn but we had none of that of course. Nicky said the only other thing he read that would help is tea, so we poured Ellen’s iced tea on a towel and made Sammy hold it up to his


Original image: http://picasaweb.google.com/lh/photo/WtsIG21XvK-EVxWDFhu-_A
Published in: on July 15, 2010 at 4:30 am  Leave a Comment  

Psychedelic boots in a psychedelic bed

Handwritten page of a diary dated November 4, 1971

I can’t help it if I’m a good shopper. I find the greatest boots ever made and then I’m shopping a few months later and I find the sheets that remind me of the boots. Shelly doesn’t believe me. She keeps saying “I know you bought those two things together as a set.”

I say, “Who sells boots and sheets in a SET? And besides there are yellow and orange stripes in the boots and the sheet has a stripe that’s gold.” And she says no the sheet has stripes that are DARK orange and DARK yellow.”

We go back and forth like this for hours. I try to change the subject, but


Original image: http://www.flickr.com/photos/dawe/293941388/
Published in: on July 14, 2010 at 4:30 am  Leave a Comment  

Barney Fife was a player

Handwritten page of a diary dated April 3, 1999

grandma said I wasted the whole afternoon watching black and white TV but I said the Andy Griffith show is not actually black and white it’s more like sepia colored. (She’s always surprised when I know something like that.) Then she said I should go out and play and I told her the last person who went out to play was Oapie and one day when he went out to play, he accidentally killed a little bird and he felt terrible about it.

She said she liked Barney Fife, and I said, oh so you don’t mind that Barney was a player? and she said what are you talking about? and I said he sometimes calls Juanita at the diner and asks her on a date in the exact same episode when he was earlier talking about Thelma Lou. She said I guess you’re right, I never noticed that.

I notice everything. Sometimes I notice so much that it wears me out as much as if I did go outside to play.


Original image: http://www.flickr.com/photos/bbaltimore/9274241/
Published in: on July 13, 2010 at 4:30 am  Leave a Comment  

Movin’ on up to the east side …

Handwritten page of a diary dated February 11, 1963

wind was whipping the snow around but Maybelle was sure that the tenth or eleventh or twelfth stores on her list might be the ones to have a pillbox hat that would fit on her head. Where she is going to wear a pillbox hat I just do not know, but I said I’d go to the library and meet her at Bishop’s Buffeteria in an hour.

Someone had unlocked the local history room, which is unusual, so I finally got inside there. I wanted to see pictures of what our new neighborhood looked like in the early days. I surely hit the jackpot by finding a picture of our house being moved on rollers (but I never could dig up the information of where it used to be). I knew right away it was our house because of the round porch. The handwritten caption was intriguing:

“The Madisons decided they wanted a little better class of neighbors (ha ha ha) so Mr. Madison rigged up a way to move the entire house to a lot on the east side of town, across from the ritzy Murphy Park where ladies loll around with their umbrellas (to keep their skin creamy white) and all the rich dogs know better than to soil the perfect grass.”


Original image: http://www.squareamerica.com/search/?tag=surreal
Published in: on July 12, 2010 at 4:30 am  Comments (1)  

‘Oil can’

Handwritten page of a diary dated June 3, 2001

because Donny’s a weird kid you know. He saw this Tin Man statue in the park and now every day he wants someone to take him there and stay for as long as they can stand waiting for him.

He lays on the ground and if someone walks up, he says “oil can” in the same voice the real tin man said it in the movie.

He wants Amber to go with him some day and wear pigtails and hold the statue’s arm and say “how did you ever get that way?” so he can say “well, about a year ago, I was chopping that tree. When suddenly it began to rain. And right in the middle of a chop, I rusted solid. I’ve been that way ever since.”

I guess I have that part memorized too now, because I’ve heard him say it every day now since they put that statue up.


Original image: http://www.flickr.com/photos/koalazymonkey/3680632475/in/photostream/
Published in: on July 9, 2010 at 7:40 am  Leave a Comment  


Handwritten page of a diary dated December 11, 1982

took Jerry to the airport and ran into Alexandra after not seeing her for at least 25 years!

I was too choosy back when I went on a few dates with her.

Her mother grew up in Spain and her father grew up in Czechoslovakia so she had an accent that I used to find strange — but when I spoke with her today it sounded exotic and pretty.

I remember she had the most beautiful face, but she had one leg that was bigger than the other and the hair on top of her head used to put me in the mind of a crested butte.

She played the accordion which I considered corny at the time but I played the bongo drums and those aren’t cool any more either. She had a dress that matched her accordion but all I wore was dungarees. All the time. We didn’t match at all but I knew she liked me anyway.

OK, maybe I shouldn’t say I was too choosy. Maybe what I should say is that I was a dolt.


Original image: http://www.squareamerica.com/search/?tag=accordions
Published in: on July 8, 2010 at 4:30 am  Leave a Comment  

What’s he doing in England?

Handwritten page of a diary dated October 30, 2007

discovered this Swedish singer called Loney Dear. He sounds so completely forlorn and I wanted to see what he looked like.

I heard he was at the End of the Road Festival in England last month, so I was looking through pictures. Couldn’t find Loney Dear, but I found a picture that was captioned: “Guy stacking cards in the woods at End of the Road festival.” And “Guy” looks exactly Billy from a few years ago who led me on in a big way and dumped me all within less than a month. Except what would Billy be doing going all the way to England for a concert? But wow, damn, it does look like a LOT like him and he did once build a house of cards at my house (but not with cards that big).

So what do I do now? See if I still have Billy’s phone number so I can call and ask him if he went to England and saw the Loney Dear guy sing? Seriously?


Original image: http://www.flickr.com/photos/glenscott/3937660758/in/photostream/
Published in: on July 7, 2010 at 4:30 am  Leave a Comment  

New Zealand is not for kids

Handwritten page of a diary dated January 21, 2005

… when Grandma Johnson and Aunt Lisa offered to take me on their trip to New Zealand, I wish I’d known that it’s OK here IF you’re eight thousand years old and you like pretty scenery.

I guess I was a moron to expect to see the Lord of the Rings people there. OK, who I really wanted to see is Arwen — even though, yes, I know she wouldn’t look at a kid my age even if she was roaming around there, which she IS NOT.

It would help if we were at the Middle Earth location, and not at a ROSE FESTIVAL!!!!!


Original image: http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Parnell_Rose_Festival.jpg
Published in: on July 6, 2010 at 4:30 am  Leave a Comment  

Yawn until dawn

Handwritten page of a diary dated January 29, 2000

of course that was in the old days when I used to be able to go to sleep.

I just looked down at my robe and the couch and wondered if there’s too much plaid in my life. I bet five years ago I owned nothing that was plaid.

Now I’m looking at the lava lamp and craving a green popsicle, even though the temperature in here is North Pole-ish.

The one benefit to not sleeping is that I’ve watched so much TV that I think I’m now qualified to be a forensic analyst. I could solve anything. No clues? What’s this? Unknown animal hair found at the scene? We could match it to the suspect’s dog and there’s probably another one still clinging to the sweater he wore that night.


Original image: http://www.flickr.com/photos/indiewench/48069097/sizes/m/in/photostream/
Published in: on July 5, 2010 at 4:30 am  Leave a Comment