Sibling rivalry

Handwritten page of a diary dated August 18, 1980

been two weeks since he got mad at me at the dinner table. I was minding my own business eating, and he said “when you take a bite you always drag your fork along the top of your teeth and the sound is getting on my nerves.”

I actually tried not to do it for a while but I guess I did it again because he started screaming and he got up from the table and I found out later he got a magic marker from my pencil can and scribbled it all over my Led Zeppelin poster that you can’t even find any more and I’ve been offered $100 for it by Tim, even though I would NEVER sell it.

I was waiting for my revenge. I told him he didn’t know when it was coming, but that he would pay like he’s never paid before, when he leasts expects it — and maybe more than once.

So today was my first one. He came home from fishing and he was toweling off his legs because he and Clem went wading in the muddy river bottom. So I told him that a towel wasn’t going to get off the microscopic little aquatic fleas he must have crawling around on his skin. He acted like he didn’t care, but he went up to the shower pretty fast. Meanwhile I went to the encyclopedia and bookmarked a picture of the Cladocera aquatic flea. He came down all clean and I said, “You think a shower is going to get those things off you? They can cling to your leg hairs.” He said “no way, they can’t hang on after I washed with soap.”

So I showed him all the tendrils on the Cladocera, and told him he might want to think about shaving his legs. He said no way. I said “ok, but if you look at the fine print, you’ll see that the Cladocera is a crustacean. And look, he even has tendrils coming out of his nostrils!”

And sure enough, by the end of the day, HE SHAVED HIS LEGS! Because I’m good at revenge, and the sooner everyone learns that, the better off they’ll be.


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Published in: on April 23, 2011 at 1:44 pm  Comments (3)