‘Pretty Man’

Handwritten page of a diary dated January 17, 1967

went to the bookstore to see if they have a copy of “The Last Picture Show.” I started reading it at camp because Eve brought it with her but she lives far away so she didn’t want me to take it home because she was afraid I wouldn’t mail it back to her—which I woulda done. I like the book so far and I think they should make a movie from it and I think Mia Farrow and Ryan O’Neal should be in because they are so good in Peyton Place.
Then I saw this book called “Pretty Man” and it reminded me of Howie, because the guy on the cover is looking in the mirror at himself, just like Howie does ALL OF THE TIME. When I give him his new book I’ll say the sentence written on the cover: “Howie no one can admire you more than you do yourself!”

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Published in: on July 30, 2011 at 9:48 am  Comments (2)  

A Monkee’s grandma

Handwritten page of a diary dated August 3, 1986

…  was staring at the picture of my grandparents so while trying to be nice, I said, now you should show me a picture of your grandparents sometime. It wasn’t even an hour later, he knocks on my door and holds out this picture of his grandparents.

I was trying to be nice and say it was a great picture, but I was about to laugh my head off because his grandma looks like Mickey Dolenz. YES Mickey Dolenz of the Monkees, yes Mickey Dolenz who sang ‘I’m a Believer’ and I mean I still love Mickey as much as I did when I was a pre-teen super huge fan of his, but he did not age well — I should know because I just saw them last week in Hampton Beach on their reunion tour! That old woman has Mickey’s exact EXACT face the way it is now, but I didn’t bother asking this kid about it because he’s too young to remember the Monkees.

Actually I was so busy staring at his grandma that I almost didn’t notice the kid’s poor grandpa is missing his right hand. I didn’t ask about that either but I’d sure like to know how it happened.

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Published in: on July 27, 2011 at 1:33 am  Comments (1)  

Look my way Wanda Mae

Handwritten page of a diary dated November 1, 1977

… starting to think this is some kind of popularity contest every time I go to work. I stand there beside Grandma Moses over there with her big puffy pile of red hair on top of her head (her real name is Wanda Mae) and everyone goes to her checkout line instead of mine.

So I just stand there trying to look busy, which is not as easy as it sounds when you have to do it for four hours a day. I restock all the gum in my racks, and usually in Wanda Mae’s racks too — just to have something to do. All the old fogey men who swarm around her load up on the Black Jack gum, which is putrid in every way.

OK, if you want to know the actual truth, I MIGHT have kind of a crush on Wanda Mae too, but if she wants to flirt with old men chewing black gum instead of a younger man in his prime, then that’s her problem.

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Published in: on July 25, 2011 at 1:47 pm  Leave a Comment  

Her little muff

Handwritten page of a diary dated December 26, 1985

pretty excited to get my new winter coat with my Christmas money. It’s actually a short leather jacket with gold metallic lapels and it looks like something Madonna would wear (at least my mom did one nice thing this year and let me see Desperately Seeking Susan even though I was 12 and it’s a PG-13 movie!!!!)

Since it was Grandma’s money I had to go over and model it for her and then she got a worried look on her face and said is it gonna be warm enough? She toddles over to the big photo book and finds this old picture of herself in a winter coat from the olden days. I said well yeah little kids need to be warmer. I said in this picture are you wearing some kinda Santy Clause beard and she said no that’s a big warm collar and a muff. I said what is a muff and she describes this kinda fur tube thing and you stick your hands in each side to keep them warm.

I didn’t say this out loud, but even though her coat looked cute for a little kid I’m sorry to report her doll she had in the picture was not that cute and in fact it looked like a doll from a scary movie.

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Published in: on July 17, 2011 at 10:38 am  Comments (3)  

Headless organist

Handwritten page of a diary dated October 3, 1979

so frrrrreaked out like you wouldn’t believe.

I just heard music downstairs and I woke up Danielle to tell her, but she said it’s probably just her brother Stan and his friends and I said are they cute? and she said eww, no, they’re annoying.
But I went downstairs anyway and peeked in the living room and there was Stan sitting in a chair and watching a guy play the organ, and, I swear to God, the guy did not have a head. Sometimes I could see some waves of something like hair, but no face at all and no shape of a head.

I came back up here to tell Danielle but she didn’t believe me and went back to sleep. Now I’m wide awake in her bedroom with nothing to do but listen to the music played by a pretty talented headless guy.

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Published in: on July 11, 2011 at 3:22 pm  Comments (1)  

I demand a recount

Handwritten page of a diary dated May 2, 1989

can’t BELIEVE the judges didn’t pick me. The rest of the people in that talent show were older than me. So what? Marva was the only one who had a good costume, but I danced soooooo much better than her it’s not even funny. I had a real routine which took eight or nine weeks of practice and Marva was doing “jazz improv” which from what I can see is a big name that means making stuff up as you go along.

The lady with long brown hair sang an ok song from the movie Dirty Dancing, which I liked BUT she sang it too high and almost pierced my eardrums. The lady with the short hair sang the theme from the Love Boat TV show! (I used to watch it with my grandma about a million years ago but it’s not even on the air any more!) The short man did a tap-dance routine as he pretended to be a gangster and he had a machine gun in his act of which he used to pretend to shoot the rest of us competitors sitting in the front row (some people laughed, but I thought it was kind of uncool).

I almost doubled over and threw up when they announced that the taller guy won. He sang a song that I had NEVER EVEN HEARD OF!

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Published in: on July 7, 2011 at 4:54 pm  Leave a Comment  

The Raisin Bran sun

Handwritten page of a diary dated June 30, 2007

  looked down at my glass and saw a face looking back at me. I tried to show Benny, but he didn’t see it. I said look, the eyes with big eyebrows and look at the mouth. Benny said if that’s a mouth, then the guy looks like he’s smoking a lit sparkler. I said yeah but other than the sparkler, it looks like the sun on the front of the Raisin Bran Crunch box. He said the sun on the Raisin Bran box is yellow. I said well yeah, the drink is red instead of yellow and the sun is smoking a lit sparkler, but otherwise it looks like it.
Then Benny said his favorite cereal box was Quisp because the character was an alien with a beanie copter coming out of his head, and I said they haven’t made Quisp since the late ’70s, and he said “I beg to differ. You can buy it online now.” And while he was showing it to me on his laptop, we ordered a box.

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Published in: on July 1, 2011 at 3:51 pm  Comments (4)