Chew gum and drink Tab

Handwritten page of a diary dated December 27, 1974

…  and course Grandma will want to watch Guy Lombardo and all us cousins will want to watch Dick Clark New Year’s Rockin’ Eve so we’ll have to take turns getting up and changing the channel back and forth.

But Grandma already did one really really nice thing. Cindy and I told her we were trying to lose weight and we were worried about all the snacking we always do during the holidays. Really, Mom only lets us have potato chips occasionally, but the only time she lets us have potato chips and dip is on New Year’s Eve. Plus usually we only get Kool Aid, and once in a great while we get to split a bottle of Pepsi, but on New Year’s Eve we each get our own bottle!

But Grandma said this year, since our cousins’ party on New Year’s Eve is at her house, she would get Tab instead of Pepsi. She also had some ideas of stuff we could snack on that would be good but not too fattening. She got a special catalog and ordered some treats from a company in Ohio. I wonder what they are.


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Published in: on December 31, 2011 at 9:53 pm  Comments (3)  

‘My Sharona’

Handwritten page of a diary dated Feb 9, 1980

because I’m not a guy who believes in that stuff. But peer pressure wins sometimes. Yes, Gregg and Cal talked me into it (and it didn’t hurt that Gregg said he’d pay for the reading).

I sat down first and the guy starts to shuffle his tarot cards. Then he puts them down and says ‘ohhh you’ve got a lot on your mind. I won’t even need these.’ And I guess the crystal ball was just for show because he didn’t even look into it once. He just touched my hands and right away said ‘you are crazy in love with Wendy’s new salad bar,’ and Gregg said ‘Dude, yes he IS. He LOVES that thing.’ And then he said someday Wendy’s will scrap their salad bar — for sure before the year 2000.

Fortune teller said ‘You like a song that sounds something like … Sharona’ and Gregg said ‘Dude you are so right, he rewinds the tape a thousand times in the car to hear My Sharona.’ Fortune teller says ‘Sorry, but that group will never sing another song that you like.’

Now that I think of it he didn’t say anything about love or health or career stuff. He just kept predicting the end of all the little things I care about.


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Published in: on December 21, 2011 at 4:31 pm  Leave a Comment  

1941 PT Cruiser

Handwritten page of a diary dated July 27, 2002

get dragged to my grandfather’s birthday party at the big creepy house of my Aunt Phyllis. I was told there might be some good food there, but all I saw was a bunch of stuff like deviled eggs. In fact I don’t think there was any food in there that wouldn’t fit on top of my new ipod. That’s how small it was. Including the cake which wasn’t a cake, only those little tiny cakes that looks like it would be about the right size to put it on my tiny dining room table in the Sims if I could reach inside my computer screen.

There were all kinds of photos pasted on a poster board of Grandpa’s life, including the one I just had to comment about it and now I’m the laughing stock of the world. I said ‘Grandpa’s family had a 1941 PT Cruiser?” Great. Everyone had a fun time mocking me because I didn’t stop to think that they didn’t have PT Cruisers back in ancient times.


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Published in: on December 17, 2011 at 5:17 pm  Comments (2)  

Just french fries for me

Handwritten page of a diary dated April 20, 1988

trip has been good. Well mostly. Sometimes we’re “TREATED” to a dinner in some little town along the way and I worry about what we’ll be forced to eat. European people eat some stuff I wouldn’t even serve to my worst enemy back in our neighborhood. And believe me he deserves it.

My eyes first saw the french fries and I was relieved, because at least I know what those are and no one can ruin french fries too much. But then they bring out this platter and my stomach starts to churn.

This is the whispering conversation I had with my mother:

“What are those things?”
“There are lemons on the plate so it’s probably just some kind of seafood.”
“Are you sure because they look like some kind of dead things Buster dug up from our yard and dragged onto the back porch.”
“If it’s bad just take a few bites. It won’t kill you.”
“Are you sure? Because it would cost you a lot to ship my dead body back to Illinois.”

I mean I understand being nice but my mom believes in taking it too far. When I grow up I plan to find a nice way to weasel out of taking ANY bites of things that look like that. Maybe I’ll say “Oh I forgot to tell you I’m a vegetarian. I’ll just fill up on french fries and salad and bread.”


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Published in: on December 11, 2011 at 5:17 pm  Comments (3)  

OK, I’ll run for president

Handwritten page of a diary dated August 16, 1964

used to wonder for all those years about what it would be like to take a train trip. Yesterday I finally got my wish because the car broke down right before we were going to grandma’s house so we can swim there for a few weeks before they send us back to prison which is how I refer to Washington Junior High.

Eating in the dining car was fun, trying to see whether the waiters would spill something when we hit a bump. And the food was delicious, I’m not kidding. But then we were back in our seats and there was a baby who wouldn’t stop crying in the seat behind us. Mom said “Maybe you should run for president some day so we could have our private car with no screaming children.” She said once she saw in the encyclopedia a picture of Abraham Lincoln’s fancy car he got to ride in for his train trips.

I said OK, I’d run for president and then she said “Wait you have to think things through more than that. You know what happened to Abraham Lincoln?” I said “He freed the slaves.” She said “Yes but a crazy person shot him just like a crazy person shot John F. Kennedy last year.”

I am sure starting to learn that a lot of times when you get something good then something bad comes right along with it.


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Published in: on December 5, 2011 at 1:39 pm  Leave a Comment