1950s distracted driving

Handwritten page of a diary dated November 2, 2003

…  practically freaking out because I answered my cell phone while I was driving. I said if you don’t want me to get distracted then why were you calling me?

Grandpa walked in and asked Mom why she was giving me the evil eye. She tells him and then he starts giving me a lecture about driving.

I’m like “so you both concentrated completely on your driving when you were teenagers?” and they nodded. What grandpa didn’t know was that I scanned a picture he once showed me of him driving an old hot rod with some blonde not wearing her seat belt and distracting him and I don’t even think he had his hands on the steering wheel at the time!!!!!

So later they come to the dinner table and there by everyone’s plate is a printout of that picture. Then mom gave the evil eye to her own father!

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Original image:
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Published in: on April 27, 2012 at 5:10 pm  Comments (2)  

Indoctrination room

Handwritten page of a diary dated July 22, 1985

tour finished in the basement and Rocky said Let’s get outa here, get on the elevator. I looked at it and said Doesn’t look like an elevator to me and he said What do you think it is? Mikey said he thought it was a tanning booth, and Rocky said Yeah I’m not taking my shirt off and sitting that close to you guys. I said I think it looks like a little room where they tell us to sit down and then the door slams shut and locks and that fluorescent light turns red and they start playing really bad songs over that speaker, you know, like Wake Me Up Before You Go Go and then they begin the indoctrination process. The guys laughed so I said Oh yeah? if it’s an elevator, why does it have a concrete floor? Rocky went over there and said that’s not a concrete floor, that’s a dirty gray rug.

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Published in: on April 19, 2012 at 10:40 am  Leave a Comment  

Yikes, it’s a red ghost

Handwritten page of a diary dated August 16, 1978

because the thing about Teddy is it is just SO easy to pull one over on him.

Mom got back the pack of photos she took with her new camera and he keeps looking at the one with a big blotch over his head. I said “oh no” he said “what?” and I said “I probably shouldn’t tell you what that means” and of course I knew I had him. I told him it was a ghost hovering over him and since it was red, it meant that he had a twin who died before they could be born together. First he didn’t believe me but I’m pretty good at keeping a straight face. I told him we studied this in school and the fact that it was near his brain meant that part of his twin’s body swam in through his ear and settled in his brain. I said maybe that’s why you think you have to be such a model citizen of the whole stupid town now because you are responsible to live life for both you AND him at the same time so maybe that’s why you have good posture and you always help mom carry in the groceries and you button your shirt all the way up to your neck on even the hottest day of summer.

The poor kid has been acting even dopier than usual ever since. I guess I should tell him the truth. Tomorrow maybe.

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Published in: on April 15, 2012 at 9:25 am  Leave a Comment  

Too much caffeine

Handwritten page of a diary dated July 2, 1993

must’ve been about midnight when she fell asleep and there I was three or four hours later with my thoughts still racing like a madman.

A few of the fifty thousand things that crossed my mind:

1. She insisted we buy these expensive pillows, but then she spends most of the night laying her head just flat on the mattress.

2. Why can’t we just have a really great president like Kevin Kline in the movie “Dave” (which I’ve now gone to see FOUR times)?

3. Walter said he’d fire me if I grew my hair out like Kurt Cobain’s but I wonder if he really would. Man, that guy has it all. I mean Kurt Cobain not Walter, ha ha.

4. Maybe I really do drink too much coffee.

5. Julia Roberts actually married Lyle Lovett?????????

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Published in: on April 6, 2012 at 4:17 pm  Comments (1)