Green snot

Handwritten page of a diary dated May 2, 1963

told me it was embarrassing enough to cry like baby in front of everybody and I shouldn’ta made one of my drawings about it and I said – Grandpa, I gotta draw, I’m an artist, the drawings just come outta me all the time (the way that green snot came out of your nose). Ha ha, nope I didn’t say that last part about the snot but it woulda been funny and he usually laughs at my jokes and my drawings. He once said that when the guy who draws the Beetle Bailey comics retires, they oughta call me up and give me the job.
All yesterday after school I couldn’t get him to laugh at anything if my life depended on it, and I decided the only thing that might cheer him up would be if I offered to go bowling with him tomorrow because no one will go with him any more and he should appreciate my sacrifice because bowling is not my A-number-one choice of a good way to spend a perfectly good Saturday afternoon. Especially when I had plans to go again to see BYE BYE BIRDIE again. If I’m about to give up an afternoon with Ann Margaret today that old man better give me a big smile.


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Published in: on September 24, 2012 at 10:41 pm  Comments (1)  

Your mom is a babe

Handwritten page of a diary dated May 21, 1990

…  always watch Saturday Night Live after we go bowling — ever since Wayne’s World started. So last night Wayne had a crush on Garth’s mom, and it was hilarious. But then Randy starts saying he thinks that could really happen and I said huh? and he said “Yeah, like for instance YOUR mom is blonde too, and she’s a babe.” I laughed but he didn’t laugh and then I said “Oh no you don’t.” But he DOES! He said he’s had a big thing for my mom since we were in seventh. MY MOM!

We hardly talked after that but then he went to the john and he was gone a long time and I found him watching my mom sleep!!! I said that give me the willies and he had better just go home. He said “you can send me home, but your mom is a babe when she’s asleep.”

What a dweeb.


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Published in: on September 13, 2012 at 9:46 pm  Leave a Comment  

Fuchsia or magenta?

Handwritten page of a diary dated November 3, 2010

…  in New York on my own and decided to eat lunch at the first sidewalk cafe I saw. I almost left when the menu had so many words I’d never seen, but I thought, no, I’m being adventurous today, so when the waiter came, I pointed to a word I didn’t understand.

Well, the bread looked good and I was thirsty enough to drink some water and some Coke, but the stuff in the bowl had me perplexed. I don’t even know of any food that is that hot pink color. The guy at the next table looked friendly enough, so I asked him if he knew what it was, but he said “It looks like the tempera paint we used in grade school” and I had to agree. He said “Is that fuchsia? I never know what color fuchsia is” and I said “I think fuchsia is a bit more purple. I think this is closer to magenta. Cream of magenta soup.”

He dared me to take a bite and I said if he used a clean spoon, I’d rather he took a bite first and he did it!!! He said it was good, but a little sweet. I said, “Oh, I bet it’s beets. I hate beets” and asked him if he wanted it. Then he said he hadn’t eaten any of his soup yet so we could trade, and since his soup looked like a color found in nature, I agreed.


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Published in: on September 6, 2012 at 2:46 pm  Comments (1)