Hillary and Di

princess Diana w:Hillary

Handwritten page of a diary dated August 30, 1997

…  “it’s so good to see Princess Diana happy again lately, don’t you think?”

I had almost fallen asleep and her voice startled me, but she is my boyfriend’s mother so I pulled it together and said “Sure, who doesn’t want that?”

When Luke invited me on this vacation, he forgot to tell me about the sleeping situation at their lake house. I didn’t know I’d have to choose between a twin bed in his sister Danielle’s room or a twin bed in his mother’s room. Before I committed one way or the other, I spent a little time with Danielle in her room. I was in there a total of 20 minutes and she managed to play the song “Mmm Bop” three times plus tell me her theory that even though Taylor is the cutest one now (and closer to her age) she thinks she would rather marry Zac. She says she can just look at their faces and know that Zac will be more handsome as an adult.

That’s when I chose the bed in Luke’s mom’s room instead. At first it seemed like I’d made the right decision. Until I knew it was going to be a sleepless slumber party night with a Princess Diana theme.

The second time I almost fell asleep his mom said “I saw a picture in a magazine of Princess Di with Hillary Clinton. Now don’t get me wrong, I like Hillary and it’s fun to have a First Lady who is smart enough to be president herself. And Hillary is pretty too. BUT when she was sitting there in that picture, she looked like it was a charisma contest and she knew she was losing. Hillary should’ve just relaxed and realized that NOBODY is going to win a charisma contest against Princess Diana. When Princess Di is 100 years and has thinning hair and curled up fingers, she’ll still be the most dazzling woman in any room.”

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Original image:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diana,_Princess_of_Wales
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Not like Grandma’s

chef boy ar dee

Handwritten page of a diary dated September 10, 1961

… was getting dragged to Grandma’s house every Sunday but it was worth it (even though I know too many Louis Prima songs by heart now) because Grandma is the best cook in this world. Or even if Yuri Gagarin discovers another world, it won’t have a better cook. Grandma was born in Italy and I guess that’s where she learned a thing or two about tomatoes and basil. So we had the kind of Italian food that you can’t even get if you pay big moolah to eat downtown at Guiseppe’s Pasta Italiano. In fact I always dreamed that instead of getting a real job some day I would live my own La Dolce Vita by bottling Grandma’s sauce and hiring a crack team of salesmen to hock it to grocery stores.

But today Grandma brought a plate of raviolis to the table and everyone could tell they looked different. But looking different was only the start. These things tasted like bad news. So Dad asked where they came from, and he laid it on her about as nice as anyone coulda. Then Grandma says they came from a can!! She saw it in a magazine and thought how much easier it would be if she let Chef Boy-Ar-Dee do all the hard work. They promised it was “authentic.”

Man oh man, far as I’m concerned, Grandma’s house is now officially Nowheresville.

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Original image:
https://www.flickr.com/photos/29069717@N02/14191575977/in/photostream/
Published in: on March 14, 2016 at 3:42 am  Leave a Comment  

Vintage selfies

Selfie-Pictures-Camera-Hobby-Free-Image-Mirror-Pho-5304

Handwritten page of a diary dated November 3, 1978

… because when I was 12 and starting to get interested in music, she bought me a new Doors album and we both learned the words to “L.A. Woman.” We sang it (LOUD) when I got to stay overnight at her apartment, which was as often as I could finagle since she was my cool aunt and not my boring mom.

Then she got married to a guy and moved to Milwaukee with him. I barely saw her for seven years.

SHOCKINGLY last weekend she showed up and asked Mom if she could crash in the guest room a while. I thought “Oh, this could be fun” which proved to be wrong the minute I knocked on her door and she was playing a tape of “Dancing Queen” by Abba! What happened to her great musical taste? And she has part of her hair feathered like Farrah Fawcett-Majors. So uncool.

And speaking of uncool, she takes pictures of herself in the mirror. Constantly. OK, not constantly, but at least once a day!!!!! What a huge waste of time. She admitted she’s spending a lot of money on getting film developed, but she doesn’t care. It’s hard to even imagine someone taking so many pictures of themSELVES!!!!

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Original image:
http://www.pixcove.com/tag/selfie/