Fab cat-eye glasses

Handwritten page of a diary dated August 4, 1958

… thought Babs would take me for a goof if she found out that I (the guy she just last week agreed to go steady with) was going on a vacation with my grandma this summer. But she said my grandma was pretty “neat”!!!! I thought through why Babs might be saying that and came up blank.

Meanwhile back at the ranch I decided to just come out and ask Babs and well, turns out she MET my grandma when she stopped over at the pad once when I wasn’t there. And Babs said my  grandma’s new green glasses  were fab (which I have to admit I myself hadn’t even noticed the glasses) (but of course I pretended like I knew exactly what glasses Babs was referring to).

Lets hope Babs never finds out that Grandma is a genuine kook after all. I mean yesterday Grandma started hearing funny noises on the phone line. I asked her why she didn’t ring up the phone company and she said “I will, but first I decided to take out the diddlwitchie.” I told her to show me but when she handed me a round metal thing, I didn’t know where to put it back in the phone. When she finally did ring up the phone company she talked a lot. But then I almost laughed because after she finally took a long pause and let the other person speak, she put her mouth right up close to the receiver “OK, I’ll play your little game.”

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Original image:
By Nabokov at English Wikipedia, CC BY 3.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=9833818
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Published in: on July 22, 2017 at 3:17 am  Comments (1)  

Does Grandma hate me?

pexels-photo

Handwritten page of a diary dated August 3, 1974

… knocked the sandcastle down because I thought Randy built it. Randy said “No man, Grandma built it and she went to the car to get a camera to take a picture of it.”

I really wished I hadn’ta done it, but I was not all the way worried because Grandma’s never been mad about anything ever. Even when we were playing kickball in her garage and knocked over a pile of plant pots. All she did was worry that we hadn’t gotten cut on any of the broken pieces.

This time though, she gave me this look which felt like jagged alien laser beams of cold mean hate. Really before today I thought Grandma was kind of pretty but when she was all of a sudden not smiling I noticed something I never saw before and that is that her face looks pretty old.

I remembered I brought my Big Chief writing tablet to use in case I got sunburned and had to sit under the umbrella. So I found it and wrote this letter:

Dear Grandma:

Randy and I wreck each other’s stuff all the time and I thought he made that sandcastle. Really I shoulda known it hadn’t been made by him because it was one of the most nice ones I ever saw. If you would forgive me I will do any of these things you want:

1. If you want to rebuild the sandcastle. I will bring you water from the lake whenever you need it to pack the sand tighter and help you in any other way including using my popsicle money to get you a cold drink.

2. Stay over at your house on Thursday night and watch “The Walton’s” with you.

3. Ride my bike to that store where they have the cans of very small tiny little oranges so you can teach me how to make that Jello salad we like (the one without cottage cheese in it) (but if it would make you love me again I’ll eat cottage cheese)

She read it and she smiled again!!!!!! She said “Horsefeathers, I never stopped loving you. Now let’s get to work.”

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Original image:
https://static.pexels.com/photos/26477/pexels-photo.jpg
Published in: on February 5, 2016 at 8:03 pm  Leave a Comment  

‘A Room of our Own’

grandpa's basement (2)

Handwritten page of a diary dated May 12, 1984

…  all those old things Grandma had rejected down to the basement for all those years they were married and he sorted out what he could use to make himself an apartment down there. What he really liked was the fake leather couch, which Grandma had only liked for two years in the ’80s and then stopped liking. He was happy to be able to use that thing again, and I think the only thing he bought brand new was three leopard skin pillows. He said that couch with those pillows “jazz the place up.” I sat down there with him and watched TV for an hour before I finally got the guts to ask him if he moved down here because he didn’t love Grandma any more. He said “Whaddaya talkin’ about? She’s the only girl for me. I moved downstairs, ya know, I didn’t move to Reno.”

Then I went upstairs and Grandma asked me to reach something on a tall shelf or her and I said “Grandma are you OK with Grandpa making himself a place in the basement?” and she said “Oh at first I thought it was a lot of folderol, but he still comes up to eat and do his chores and watch TV at night and sleep. So yes. I’m happy as a lark.” I guess she didn’t think I looked too convinced. She said “You know I don’t like very much of the popular music. But remember a few years ago I heard a Billy Joel song I liked and I asked whether you had the album so I could listen a few times?” I thought a minute and said “Oh yeah, ‘We all need a room of our own.'” And she just smiled and said, “Don’t ever forget it.”

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Original image:
http://www.iha.com/gite-self-catering-chalet-bungalow-gembes_23457
Published in: on January 23, 2016 at 3:49 pm  Comments (1)  

Snowmen

Handwritten page of a diary dated March 2, 2002

…  said “Grandma, don’t be so cheap about it.” She said “I’m not cheap. I’m FRUGAL. We don’t waste food.” But I finally promised to bring the carrots back unharmed and she said OK. Then when we wanted her to come see the finished snowmen, she said “You had to build them out in the back 40?” and I said “What’s the back 40 mean?” and she said “Never mind.” We all got a big laugh because when she was putting on her boots she called them “rubbers” and she said it about three times!! I knew she would like it if the biggest snowman was drinking Dr Pepper since she drinks it too and calls it her “one vice,” but even after she smiled, she had to complain about something so she said “That’s your dad’s good wool hat and it’s going to be soakin’ wet.” But she did stay a while looking at it and when we were walking back to the house, she said “Job well done.”

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Original image:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/babasteve/3145058104/
Published in: on July 10, 2012 at 7:10 am  Comments (1)  

Mom’s evil eye

Handwritten page of a diary dated December 2, 1999

called Grandma and asked her if I could live there. She said Hell no you can’t live here, and she asked me if I was off my nut. I said Come on Grandma. She said I could spend the weekend. Then she said “Final answer” because she loves that new show “Who wants to be a Millionaire” with Regis.

When I got there, she sat me down and put her arm around me and said Tell Grandma. I said I am so tired of that look Mom gives me, like she always thinks I’ve done something wrong. And Grandma said Your mom was born with that look. I said No, babies are not judgmental. She laughed, and then said Wait wait wait, and she ran to get a baby picture of my mom.

And Grandma was right! Mom really did look like a baby who would let you know if you got on her nerves. Grandma said she thinks we can blame Johnny’s Seafood Palace because when she was pregnant with Mom she ate the seafood combination platter there and got food poisoning. I said Yeah that could explain a lot. And we both nodded to each other.

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Original image:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/24498687@N03/2545185530/in/photostream/
Published in: on November 20, 2011 at 11:35 pm  Comments (2)