Her little muff

Handwritten page of a diary dated December 26, 1985

pretty excited to get my new winter coat with my Christmas money. It’s actually a short leather jacket with gold metallic lapels and it looks like something Madonna would wear (at least my mom did one nice thing this year and let me see Desperately Seeking Susan even though I was 12 and it’s a PG-13 movie!!!!)

Since it was Grandma’s money I had to go over and model it for her and then she got a worried look on her face and said is it gonna be warm enough? She toddles over to the big photo book and finds this old picture of herself in a winter coat from the olden days. I said well yeah little kids need to be warmer. I said in this picture are you wearing some kinda Santy Clause beard and she said no that’s a big warm collar and a muff. I said what is a muff and she describes this kinda fur tube thing and you stick your hands in each side to keep them warm.

I didn’t say this out loud, but even though her coat looked cute for a little kid I’m sorry to report her doll she had in the picture was not that cute and in fact it looked like a doll from a scary movie.


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Published in: on July 17, 2011 at 10:38 am  Comments (3)  

Bomb shelter

Handwritten page of a diary dated May 4, 1960

proud to be the only one in the neighborhood with a bomb shelter, and he wants to document it. He’s up on the roof of the garage and wants us to keep smiling, but I’m looking down on the ground. I’ve said to him a few times if the Russians bomb us, we might as well just go out on the patio and watch the pretty fireworks and not prolong the agony for the few days it would take the radiation to seep through that metal door on our shelter.
I was looking down and thinking how stupid this was, when all of a sudden I got an idea. If I can get myself a key to this bomb shelter, it might just be the perfect place for Donald and me to go for a makeout session!!!! Much better than trying to sneak him into my bedroom window (he keeps bringing up that idea and I say it’s too risky).
Dear Russians, I think you have solved my problem. Thanks for threatening to bomb us!!!


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Published in: on June 29, 2011 at 12:20 pm  Leave a Comment  

Neil Young vs. Captain and Tennille

Handwritten page of a diary dated October 1, 1975

your birthday isn’t for another month, so you’ll have plenty of time to practice pretending you like it” and I said “They don’t make enough ‘pretend juice’ in this world for me to drink so I could pretend I like a sweater she made from instructions she got out of a magazine 10 years ago” and she said “Well she hasn’t started making it yet. Do you want me to suggest some colors? Maybe the colors are a little too … sixties. Maybe it could be red white and blue for the upcoming bicentennial” and naturally I was dumfounded. Brett walked in and I said “Brett help me. Mom wants to know if I want this sweater made in red white and blue” but all he said was “Is that the girl from Captain and Tennille?” And then Mom said “Oh I love that album Brett. Will you play it on our downstairs hi-fi, so I can hear it again?”
To counteract the effects of their dopey sock hop in the living room, I had to go to the garage and listen to side two of Harvest by Neil Young.


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Published in: on June 27, 2011 at 6:29 pm  Comments (1)  

Monkey on the loose

Handwritten page of a diary dated July 12, 1993

… staying with Great-grandma for the whole entire summer sounded great because she has a pool at her house … but you can’t swim all the time. Luckily she bought me a new book. At first I thought it was dumb, because it’s called ‘How do you Lose Those Ninth-Grade Blues?’ And I was happy to leave the ninth grade behind just a month ago! But it’s an OK book. I guess.
And she showed me some cool old pictures in a big old book with a padded velvet cover. I turned one page and I said, “That’s weird” and she said “What’s so weird? My hair is done, my shoes match my purse and I have on a pretty modern dress.”
Wow, she’s looking at her outfit and I’m looking at a monkey walking around loose. Not only that, but the monkey has a double stomach with some kind of extra tail growing out of it!!!!!!


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Published in: on June 21, 2011 at 7:36 pm  Leave a Comment  

Her most embarrassing moment

Handwritten page of a diary dated June 22, 1972

so if you ever wanted to know if you can feel sorry for someone you hate, the answer is yes. I mean yeah Melissa gets on my nerves almost once a day and when she decided to have this slumber party Mom asked if I would sleep on that rusty cot in the attic so they could fit two girls in my bed! Are you kidding me!
 Last night her loud friends filled up our house and I started wishing Melissa would get a terminal illness in the next 10 minutes and do a lot of quiet but painful suffering before her death.
The first time I passed by the living room I saw that she probably also wished she could die because Dad was playing the guitar and singing Michael Row the Boat Ashore and the girls were laughing kinda nervouslike but you know that didn’t stop him. Then the next time I went by on my way to the attic Dad was singing the theme from Love Story and it was even sappier than the way Andy Williams sings it on the radio:

“How long does it last ?
Can love be measured by the hours in a day?
I have no answers now, but this much I can say,
I know I’ll need her till the stars all burn awaaaay …”

Poor Melissa, her little face was frozen in shock.

“… And sheeeee’ll be there.”


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